Ships are important…
When I talk about the ‘ships’, I’m not referring to the sinking Titanic or the famous HMS Belfast. I’m talking about the ships that are a huge part of our social life, our friendships and romantic relationships. The ships are a notoriously common topic among 20-something year olds so what’s a more appropriate topic to address?
My driver for this piece is that my beliefs of what these two relationships mean and look like has changed quite a fair bit since I was a teen.
Keep reading for a few lessons in romantic relationships which I have grown to understand over the years.
1. Relationships should NEVER feel like a chore
Are you lacking the drive to make plans with your significant other and have felt this way on a few occasions? There may be a bigger problem than you may think.
Have you had to repeatedly use the following excuses?
“I can’t see you tonight I’ve had a long day.”
“Do you mind if we re-schedule?”
“Sorry I’m cancelling, my friend/family member/goldfish is having a hard time.”
It’s super easy to convince yourself that your lack of enthusiasm towards a relationship is down to everything else.
These excuses may well be the truth here and there…BUT if you notice a reoccurring pattern of excuses crop up in your head, your mind is telling you that you would rather be doing, well pretty much anything else.
I’ve seen this cycle of people (including myself) ignoring their gut feelings and continuing to see someone because they feel like they have to for months and even years.
A relationship should always have an element of excitement, no matter how long you’ve been together. If it doesn’t; then sorry honey, they’re just not right for you.
2. You should feel as though you can live your life EXACTLY how you want to live it
Give me a drum roll for the extremely generic and overly positive quote that I’m about to throw your way…
You only live once so do what makes YOU happy. Ah that felt good. Roll your eyes all you want but it is 100% true.
We’ve all got one go at life and it’s better to be single with 20 cats than to be in a relationship that holds you back (by the way I am not attacking cat lovers one bit here). A relationship which restricts you in any way can manifest in lots of different ways. It can affect your career, friendships, family time, lifestyle choices and as a result of any of these; most importantly, your happiness. I’ve learnt that a relationship which prevents you from thriving in any of these areas is not a relationship worth holding on to.
3. Trust your gut, it’s right 99.9% of the time
This point links to the first. You know that horrible knot you can get in your stomach? Yes well, that is there to securely hold your life together (hence the knot). If you feel it, then listen to it.
If your gut is screaming NOO every time they look your way instead of filling you with butterflies, your body wants you to use your fight or flight and get out of there.
As a teen I wanted to do the cool thing in the eyes of the young society and my friends rather than the thing that felt right. I’ve learnt that if a relationship feels right and you feel totally comfortable and happy then who’s to tell you that it’s wrong?
4. If you have to hesitate, it’s never a good sign
If you’re doing any of the below, then I’m waving a massive red flag right at you:
- Holding back how you’re feeling
- Keeping secrets (I’m not talking about a surprise birthday party)
- Avoidance of telling other people that you’re in a relationship
- Feeling embarrassed of them, their behaviour or even your relationship
These are major warning signs, so please, please listen to them.
- Never stay in a relationship if it feels like a chore
- Live your live how you want to without a relationship getting in the way
- ALWAYS trust your gut
- This is a no hesitation station